Summer in April?!?

It's 90 degrees outside. Yesterday was 102. Apparently it's summertime. Wait...it's APRIL. I don't understand it. I swear, the weather is bi-polar or something. One minute it's freezing, the next you should be spending the days at the beach till they close, because it's unbearable anywhere else. But of course...the heat wave only comes on weekdays. Meh.

Spring break was nice. Nothing crazy happened. Just worked, and slept, and hung out with friends, and slept some more. And worked. Last weekend we drove down to Escondido to spend time with some friends, go shooting at their parents' place (FUN!), and do some airsofting. The weather was gorgeous, and everything was so green and pretty. It was a very fun relaxing full weekend.

While we were down there, I had some time to just have some solitude and quiet time. They had all this property with roses and trees, and four dogs running around. I could hear birds singing and the wind blowing through the leaves, and it wasn't broken by sirens, car horns, yells, or anything like that. I had time to just go walking, thinking, enjoying the quiet of nature, while being close enough to people to not feel all alone. I could live up there. I wish I could. Being close enough to the city to not feel far away, but having a place almost to retreat to when you need to, to get away from the hustle and bustle of everything, and have time to hear your thoughts, essentially. I miss that. I used to have that, but don't anymore... There's just not many quiet away places around here. Everything's so bunched in and tight that there's no real places where you won't run into anyone...so I hope to find a place like that someday. I would adore living up in a house like that...or just in the country. Maybe someday...

I keep wondering what I want to do with my life...I want to help people, but my helping people is more in just blessing them and healing them and being there for them. I don't want to be a psychologist or an attorney or anything like that. I'd want to open a bookstore/bakery and just bless people like that. Maybe someday I will...I hope I will. I wish I had a bigger place so I could open it up for people to come over, grab a cookie or coffee, and just relax. I think whenever we get a bigger place (whenever that may be) I'll make it a point of doing that. And maybe even have kids running around in the backyard as I talk with the moms and all that. I really love baking and wish I could do it more, and also do it for family and friends. I just don't have the time right now. Which is sad cause it helps me calm and be relaxed. Kinda like playing piano. That's something I have thought of. Maybe teaching piano lessons (beginners) whenever I have a piano. Or working in a daycare or as a mother's helper or something....

As you can tell, lots of random things have been going on in my head lately. Just a lot of processing, reassessing, figuring out where/what I'm supposed to be doing. Lots and lots of prayers...

On the bright side, God's been really blessing me lately. He brought an amazing woman into my life who I can relate to and talk with, and actually understands. I don't feel so alone anymore...and it's amazing. It feels like God just said, "All I wanted you to do was to ask..." *bam* I'm still hurting and I'm still working through a lot, and a lot of things are fresh and hurt so badly...but...I'm trusting God. I know, even if I don't know how, that He will work things out and heal.

On that note, I'm going to finish up at work and then head off to class. Bleh. I wish I was at the beach right now...instead of getting off work and then running straight to class. But I'm having coffee tonight with a good friend! So that will be fun!

Heat wave is supposed to break tomorrow. Hooray!! Let's see if it actually does.