Guard

Guard

The knife goes in and out,
Easily and systematically
Slicing open the same wound
Over and over.

“Give it a rest!”
You might cry,
“You’ve done enough damage
As it is.”

You might but no one
Will listen.
Oh, they will hear,
And chalk it
Up to complaining
And needing to
Toughen up.

“Aren’t you satisfied?”
You try again,
Unwilling to fight
Back…yet,
“Can’t you back off
For just a bit?”

The knife swiftly cuts
New wounds,
Showing no signs
Of ceasing.
You glance up,
Your eyes soft
But firm.

“No more,”
You state,
Wrenching the knife
Away,
“No more.”

You raise up
Your guard,
Your eyes sad.
“I tried…I tried.
But you wouldn’t
Listen.”

Faerie Stories and writing

It's such a beautiful day out, here in Berkeley. It's sunny with a breeze, perfect weather. Not too hot but not too cold either. I'm sitting on a wall outside, in the shade of a tree, with a stack of books on a chair to my right with coffee. Hehe. I'm such a writer...

Speaking of writing, we've been having some very interesting discussions about writing, Faerie Stories, and reading. Given all the great books I've read in the last few weeks, I've had a lot of interaction with different writing styles and opinions, especially considering the authors and also the household of people I'm with. It's been such a blessing to me that I can have so many different opinions and thoughts, especially being a writer.

"We do not enjoy a story fully at the first reading. Not till the curiosity, the sheer narrative lust, has been given its sop and laid asleep, are we at leisure to savour the real beauties. Till then, it is like wasting a great wine on a ravenous natural thirst which merely wants cold wetness. The children understand this well when they ask for the same story over and over again, and in all the same words."
~Lewis, On Stories~

"It is, of course, a good test for every reader of every kind of book. An unliterary man may be defined as one who reads books only once."
~Lewis, On Stories~

Both of those quotes surprised me and challenged me. I love Lewis! Hehe. He challenges me to go re-read books and write well. I think that's what most of these past few weeks have done. They've taught me a lot, and I've made so many good relationships. One of the main things though is to push me to be better in my writing, and strive to be a good writer.

Another thing I haven't noticed till now is how much I've grown. I'm completely at ease being myself around people...I don't worry about pleasing everyone, or trying to 'fit in'. I'm content in growing in God, through whatever means that is. I've noticed that through the comfortability of being myself and talking about things I, before, would never have talked about. I'm full of joy and Peace. It's an amazing thing.

Well...enough musings for now. I have need to read Tolkien.

Under the Mercy.

Some musings...

As I sit in the kitchen, waiting for my cookies to get out of the oven, I'm struck by how much I've learned up here in Berkeley over the last two weeks. It's hard to believe that two weeks have already passed, and that soon I'll be driving back down to Took Hall and starting work. (hopefully)

We've talked about so much, but I think my favourite discussions so far have been Magician's Nephew (with Lewis "On Stories) and Phantastes by George MacDonald. Yes, I'm partial to the Faerie Stories. Some really interesting talks on magic (good or bad), love, life, why read Faerie Stories, how we should view reality, death, and morality.

Today, we had an interesting discussion on a lot of stuff, but the two that stood out to me were 1. how Faerie Stories remind us we live in two worlds (physical and spiritual), and we need to interact/live as such, and 2. why death isn't a bad thing...or shouldn't be feared. It actually reminded me quite a bit of LOTR and Peter Pan, ironically enough. Just the idea of dying being an adventure, and definitely not the end. As Peter Pan put it so aptly, "To die would be an awefully big adventure". I think that sums up how MacDonald views death. More of just another step in the journey of our souls.


Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it.
(Pippin listens hopefully, as the sounds of the battle around them fade.)
Pippin: What, Gandalf? See what?
Gandalf: White shores, and beyond. A far green country under a swift sunrise.
Pippin: Well, that isn't so bad.
Gandalf: No. No, it isn't.

i think that sums it up quite nicely.

Another quote I found interesting was in Phantastes. He writes,

"Afterwards I learned, that the best way to manage some kinds of painful thoughts, is to dare them to do their worst, to let them lie and gnaw at your heart till they are tired, and you find you still have a residue of life they cannot kill."

This is an interesting thought for me, dealing with some painful thoughts/memories. I'm not sure if I agree with it, as of yet. It seems some memories could seriously hurt that residue of life...interesting either way.

So much for my rambling. I'll leave you with a few verses from Colossians which we've been reading everyday for the last two weeks.

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

~Colossians 4:2-6~