Then there are days where I feel like I'm scrambling at shadows and ghosts and scraps of string getting flung about in the wind to try to keep my life together. Like I was standing in the middle of this cliff and it suddenly all fell out from under me, and I'm scrambling to stay up. Afloat (though not sure that works with a cliff falling....but I suppose it could.)
Today was an odd mixture of both. This morning, I felt like I was barely keeping a grasp on things, that I was just too tired and worn out and stretched and not emotionally strong enough to deal with all I needed to deal and help with. I was despairing that I could do what I needed. That I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't mature enough, you name it, it probably went through my head.
...Then Hubby and I went out to lunch to Olive Garden (you know how cheap it is when you split something? We spent less there than we would have eating at Chipotle!). And the entire way there, we talked and talked and talked. Through lunch we talked as we ate good filling food. We opened up to each other about things we needed to. We talked the entire way back.
And you know what? It made me realize just how far we've both come. How good our relationship is doing. And how well and strong our marriage truly is. We have good days and bad days. We have hard periods one or both of us go through (but what marriage doesn't?), yet...there's hope and strength in knowing you're not going it alone. That you have someone there who can hold you up when you need it. It gives Hubby and I a confidence in our marriage knowing that the other is there, supporting and striving with us to make our marriage stronger. That we are both willing to grow in it, with each other.
There's a freedom in that. A freedom and a strength that cannot be matched.
