Vulnerability

I don't know what it is about this year, but God has really been teaching me to trust those around me and to not hang on to things....or keep them inside. But man, it really feels like it's just been one thing after another. I wonder if that means i didn't learn the first time He tried to teach me, or that I just haven't been letting go and thought i was. I honestly don't know. However...fact remains He has been doing a work in my heart just this past semester. He's blessed me in ways I never dreamed of by bringing amazing friends into my life (and a few very special ones), threw me in the midst of an awesome melting pot of brilliant people on-fire for Christ who are interested and eager for you to grow in Christ among other things that i can't describe very well. Like, I'm not sure how to describe exactly what God has been teaching me. Lewis says, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." That is something God has been revealing to me. You can't survive on your own...even if you're trusting God, it's not possible. You need others to help you heal from wounds and to simultaneously bless you. It's one of those things I 'know' but don't really know. my friend describes it as tu sabes pero tu no conoces. you know it in your head but you don't know it in your heart. so true. it feels like your heart knows things too fast and your head doesn't come fast enough, and then other times...your head accepts things and your heart takes forever to catch up. Lewis also states, "Friendship [will have] naked personalities." For me, that has been the hardest thing to learn. I've had some pretty hard things happen to me, causing me to shrink back into a mask and shell, not wanting to trust anyone with what i was feeling. Thank God for friends who saw through it and pressed me to open up. They pretty much pursued when I wanted to hide and would not let me get away without talking about it. Just through this first semester, I've grown so much that i can hardly believe it. At times, i felt like no one noticed--then I'd get a call right when i needed it. Others, i knew people knew something was going on. I still cannot understand why God has blessed me in the way He has. Yet, He sees fit to bring more blessings into my life even as new hard things come up. I am definitely being taught how to love, in the truest sense of the word, and how to trust.

Lewis states it best when he says:

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.