It's a rather...interesting point in my life right now. Some things have caused me to become rather...sober and more subdued than i usually am. I've had friends describe as my eyes are missing their "sparkle" from last semester, and it's very true. There's a reason for that. I'm not as happy as i was last semester, mainly because i always have the weight of my brother in the back of my mind, praying for him constantly. That adds a seriousness to my life...and i've been trying to figure out how to balance and live with that. I've talked to several friends (and mentors) about it. All of them have said, in one form or another, "It's ok to be a bit more serious and sober. It's a part of life." Then one of them pointed out that i need to keep my feet grounded in the Rock, to believe Christ's promise, and to remember life is beautiful. Easier said than done, but I'm going to do so.

That was the inspiration for this new poem, actually. that idea at least, which wasn't fully formulated in my mind but there. I hope you enjoy it, and i hope it helps bring a light to what i've barely touched in the first part of this blog. The title is from Dead Poet's Society when Keating is telling the boys to make their lives extraordinary. I hope you enjoy.

Quiet Desperation

Eyes that once
Sparkled easily,
Now cannot seem
To shed the
Constant sheen
Of tears.

A smile, once quick
And laughing,
Now slower to come
And has the weight
Of sorrow
Always on its outskirts.

A step, once carefree
And full of dance,
Now reflects a
Weariness unnatural.

A life, once alive
And vibrant,
Now contains a
Quiet desperation
To truly live.

And then one of my favourite quotes of all time that i need to keep in mind a bit more than i actually do.

During this dark night of the soul, we may have a sense of dryness, aloneness, even lostness. Any overdependence on the emotional life is stripped away. The notion, often heard today, that such experiences should be avoided and that we always should live in peace and comfort, joy and celebration only betrays the fact that much contemporary experience is surface slush. The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that He may work an inner transformation upon the soul.

Go with God, and go under the Mercy.