In which I am Brutally Honest

Ok. This is going to be a Brutally Honest Post. 


I am dealing with Postpartum Depression (Or PPD as I will call it on here). I talked to my doctor about it, and he said it was normal (1 out of 8 women get it), but to call if I started feeling anything more than I am now. 


I noticed it at first when Molly went through a cluster-feeding stage. I was in tears late one night after she was trying to nurse and was super fussy and angry to the point of having issues latching. I started feeling resentful towards her for...some reason (I still can't put words to the feeling I had); and immediately went "That's not a good thing." 


So I made the decision to supplement with formula as well as start pumping more so we could feed her with bottles. After making that decision and putting it into practice, I noticed my bonding with Molly and everything else got much better. 


I now have a good supply of BM in the freezer, pump easily, and otherwise bond with Molly well, without the pressure of having to nurse her. And more importantly, I don't feel resentful or anything else towards my daughter. That is the most important thing. 


I still have "the blues" as they're called. I've cried for no reason. I get overwhelmed by everything or nothing. There are times when Molly is wailing and I'm doing everything I can to help and she isn't having any of it that I feel like I can't do this. BUT. I'm doing my best to try to ask for help more from Hubby  who has been utterly supportive in all of this. I'm bad at asking help from friends or family, so consider this an open invite to text and see if I need anything. I'll do my best to also ask. 



It's frustrating and annoying. But, it's good to put a name to what I've been feeling. I've talked with a couple other friends who have had it/are dealing with it; and it's good to not feel alone in all of this. They also  have given me good tips to help deal with it.


I also know because it is PPD, it's mostly chemicals and should start goign away in the next couple of months. I'm on birth control as well which will regulate my hormones and thus also help with my PPD.  


And throughout all of it, I am so very happy and overjoyed by my babygirl. The way she completely curls up on me and sleeps deeply in peace and safety melts my heart. The way she just stares and stares into my eyes. Her smile (!!!!) when I tickle her cheeks. The way she squints up her face when she sneezes, or her annoyed face as she hiccups uncontrollably. 


Everything about her melts my heart and overwhelms me with love for her. 


Even when I'm feeling most down with my PPD, she can curl up on me and fall asleep; and it makes the world brighter and better.